Texas. Where groups of clucking woman stop you on the street to chat about wine, work, and give you sage advice such as "remember y'all, only talk to strangers if they're rich!" in that rich southern drawl. Where bugs the size of small rodents frequently plow across your path and where you're name always begins with "Miss" or "Baby". I'm back from an unforgettable visit to my wonderful Texas family. This year, we decided to fly instead of making the unbearably hot and long car ride across the state. There's something magical about being on an airplane and seeing the world from a completely new perspective. Our plane took us past an incredible storm, with pink lightning lighting up the whole sky. We flew over cities and saw traffic snake along roads like Christmas tree lights. I found myself thinking how cool it would be to have a dress designed to look like a city in the night. It would be black with shining yellow glass beads sewn in little clusters around the dress. On our return flight, it was exciting to see the lights of Oakland appear. I was looking down on the city that will soon by my home. In Texas, my aunt spoiled me rotten and took me to my fist spa adventure. There's something so special about getting a massage from a person and knowing that you won't also have to massage them back. No 5 minute trading like it is when my sisters and I massage each other... Just me getting my shoulders rubbed for and hour... This visit was full of firsts! I also went to Six Flags for the first time with my cousin and his family. By the end of the day I had lost my voice, my legs were sore and when I closed my eyes I still felt the ride swirling me around. Overall it was a success. And of course, a staple in every visit to Texas, the family trip to Ol' South Pancake House to indulge in massive amounts of Dutch Babies (pancakes smothered in butter, lemon and powdered sugar). Our family's undying love for these decadent pancakes can be seen in the fact that the waitress had to call backup in order to bring all 19 of them to the table... In order to pass the time until the food arrived I played a complicated game of tic tac toe made up by my cousin's youngest son. It involved lava, bombs and an unexplainable rule that somehow ended in his winning every time. All of these special trips and adventures were great, but my favorite part of the trip was getting to sit around with my family and talk. They are loud, witty, playful and loving, and I already look forward to the day I can see them again.
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As I am about to go through so many changes, I have begun to appreciate the value of rituals. There is something so comforting about having a part of your day that stays the same. When everything else is changing around you, being able to rely on that morning cup of coffee or that afternoon run really makes a difference. My mom and I have many rituals. For one thing, eating a salad and watching BBC mysteries at lunch time... another is our morning ritual which has developed over the many years of our quiet companionship. We are usually up around 7:30, drinking our morning coffee in our comfy chairs. We read the news paper and we sit quietly. It might not seem like much, but thats the whole point. It's a peaceful start to the day that I can always count on. I look forward to developing my own rituals when I move away. Maybe it will be running in the morning, or Mass on Sundays, or just sitting on the porch when I wake up. Looking around, I see that everyone seems to have their own rituals. Sometimes they may not alway appreciate them, but at the same time, life wouldn't be the same without them. Whether it's a family trip to the Flea Market every Sunday or just sitting down to dinner every night, there is something special about those traditions. One day maybe you will look back and remember those times you spent with family and miss it all, so appreciate it now:) I know that everyone is different, but personally I enjoy a mix of new excitement, and familiar comfort in my life. In order to truly enjoy the exciting changes that come may way, I feel like I need that one cup of coffee to remind me that the whole world isn't shifting just because mine feels like it is.
To be entirely honest, I do not have a lot to write about today. The truth is, my mom has also started a blog and I told her that she had to write a second blog post today. She said she didn't know what to write about and I smugly said that I didn't either, but I wasn't worried because the topic would magically come to me as I sat down to write... as a result, my mom is sitting next to me typing away and I am sitting here, pretending that I am also writing ;) Shhhhhh. Earlier, we were watching a TV show called Girlboss about a girl who revamps and resells thrift store items on line. My sister suggested this show to me because I have a great love of fashion and thrift stores. I often buy thrift store items and sew them (or have my other sister sew them) to be exactly the way that I want. My sister and my brother in law seem to have undying faith in my ability to become successful in anything that I do. They seem to believe that if I wanted, I could do what the Girlboss does and get some cash. However, they have also encouraged me to pursue a career in songwriting, interior design, photography and of course pro ukuleleing. I am not entirely sure that I have done anything to earn this faith, and I am definitely not as talented as they try to make me think, but it does make me feel pretty good. I'm not sure that I would actually be able to do something like the girl from Girlboss, but I certainly enjoy thinking about it. I mean, being paid to shop would be pretty awesome. The hard part is actually taking the leap and trying it out. My fear is that I'm going to invest too much in thrift store buys and fail to make any profit. I have always loved shopping for other people, reading about fashions, sewing and taking pictures. I feel like the combination of those loves should lead me to selling clothes but my problem is the business side. Anyway, it's an idea :) Okay, mom seems to have moved on to looking up "best wine pairing for Indian food" so I suppose I can stop pretending to write :p
In my family, I am known as the neat one. We came to this conclusion when my oldest sister moved to college. For many years, my two sisters shared a bedroom. Now, I love them to death... but their room was a disaster. It was filled to the brim with various stuffed animals and papers and clothes and suspiciously fuzzy coffee cups. Katie claimed that she was orderly and it was entirely Erin's doing... Erin claimed that she was the organized one and Katie was the cause of the chaos. When Katie moved out, it was soon apparent that they were equally at fault. Katie's dorm was just as messy as Erin's new single bedroom. Now both sisters fully accept their messy natures. While they were sharing a room, I switched between spending some nights in my mom's bed and some nights in a storage bin full of pillows which I proudly called my bed. Because of my lack of room, I had very few personal belongings which automatically left me with the title of Young Family's Most Tidy Kid. The combination of my nomadic nature and my love of organizational self help books, has shaped me into the semi neat freakish person I am today. I am in no way implying that my room is always clean. However, when there is a mess around me, I notice that I have trouble focussing. When filling out my bio for finding a roommate at college, I stressed the importance of having a very clean room. I also made it clear that I like waking up early and going to bed early... you will probably not be surprised to hear that I will not be having a roommate this year. Annnnyway, the point of this very long winded intro is to introduce (duh) my new goal of getting rid of stuff I don't use. I was inspired by my close friend who shares my love of organizational self help books. She systematically went through all of her things and only kept stuff which was truly sentimental or that she used in her everyday life. I like the idea of doing this because I feel like it perfectly represents a fresh start. There's something so satisfying about sloughing off the old things that are hiding on your closet floor or in the back of a shelf. In addition to being therapeutic, I feel like purging my things is a good idea before I leave! I don't have to think as hard about what to pack. Anyhow, at this point in my post I'm realizing that there's no real reason why anyone would particularly care about the fact that I'm going to clean my room... but it's a little too late to change the subject. I also acknowledge that my intro was longer than my actual post... long story short, I just wanted to share with you that I am excited to declutter my life. That's all :)
Due to my current emotional instability (summer after high school is not as magical as Katy Perry makes it sound), I have been questioning every aspect of my life... which now includes this blog. I partly started this blog because I wanted to keep exercising my writing muscles. It seems like the most common tip for writers is to practice writing every single day. I figured that having a blog would force me to write a lot more. Although y'all may have noticed that I'm not particularly disciplined when it comes to a consistent posting schedule. Anyway, I was thinking about my reasons for wanting to write. When it comes down to it, I just really enjoy it. Whats not to love? When I write, I am in complete control. I have the power to say whatever I want to say in whatever way I want to say it. (What control issues?) I love writing because it's the easiest way for me to connect to people. When talking in person I tend to stumble over my words or forget what I was going to say. But when I write, it all seems to come out smoothly. Mainly, I love to write because words have the power to make people feel something deep down. I will never forget the moment that I realized this. It was the year that I took a speech and debate class. I wrote a very personal speech about a difficult time in my life and I used it in a competition. When I was perform my speech, I looked at the judge and saw tears in his eyes. After the competition he pulled me aside and told me that my words really touched him and that he remembered what it was like to be a kid in my same situation. Somehow, that stranger and I had formed a connection and it was a moment I'll never forget. I guess the reason I've been thinking about this is because soon I'll be starting as an English major and I want to be sure that this is what I want to do. I've joined the club of 18 year olds who only ever have to answer one question... "so what do you want to be when you grow up?" I always feel awkward when people ask me this because I really don't have an answer yet. Some adults give me a very concerned expression after hearing that I don't have set plans... other adults reassure me that people rarely know what they're going to be at 18 because they change over time. The fact that the reactions are so varied makes me think that I'll be okay. It seems like most people have their own ideas of what the right and wrong way of doing things are. But maybe there isn't a right or wrong way. I guess we'll just have to see :)
Hello again! Long time no talk :) I could tell you that I haven't written in a while because of my extremely busy and important schedule... but I would be lying. The truth is, I just haven't had much to write about until now! So, college has been the overriding theme in my life seeing as it is the next big step I have coming. I am both nervous and excited.. This can be seen clearly by the fact that my room is a maze of boxes which have been packed a month too early. I tried to nonchalantly convince myself and my family that my early packing was a strategic and mature move designed to maximize moving efficiency. However, as I dig out my toothbrush from the bottom of a box every morning, I am realizing that my early packing was definitely a result of being an over eager girl who still feels as though she is only playing at going to college. Yesterday my friend came over and we talked about the fast approaching school year and we discussed our goals for the year. Because I am going to be going through so much change (moving aways and living on my own... and feeding myself), I had a lot more goals that usual. My friend told me something that really helped my mindset. I was telling her about my worries of not making friends or becoming depressed and she said "all you can do is enjoy what is..." That one sentence cleared up a lot for me. The main idea is that you can't control what goes on around you, you can only control the way that it effects you. I hate to sound so wanna be groovy white-girl, but I think that that is going to by my "mantra" for the year. Seeing my friends who have spent one year away at college has made me especially nervous. Some of them really enjoyed it, but some of them did not. My dad tells me that you just have to get through the ups and downs of the first year to really settle into college. My goal is to not only go through them, but to enjoy them as much as I can. Being the nosy youngest child that I am, I studied some of my older friends as they went to college for things that I should and should not do. I noticed that when people get lonely and discouraged, they have a tendency to fall into bad habits such as only eating ice cream and binge watching TV in their dorm room. I am well aware that I have the very same tendency to do this but when you live at home, you have a mom to kick you out of the house and make you go for a run. I decided that the only way to prevent this is to start building good habits before I leave. I started by exercising more regularly, limiting my electronic use, eating better (kind of) and spending more time outside. Hopefully, if I get into the habit of doing these things now, it will feel like the natural thing to do when I'm away. I'm sure I'll still be writing this blog when I leave so I guess you'll find out if it worked in a month ;)
P.S. I did not proof read this so please excuse the mistakes :):) First off, I apologize for not writing for a few days. I know you must have been sitting at the edge of your seats, wondering what exciting things I've been up too;) JK. Anyway, my lack of writing is mostly because my sister and brother in law have been visiting and it is much easier to ignore blogging duties when you aren't plagued with eternal boredom. The entire year I was longing for the day when I wouldn't have a list of endless tasks and then as soon as summer hit, the lack of structure dragged me into a dark abyss of despair. My salvation came in the form of an enthusiastic sister, who (after witnessing my emotional breakdown upon retelling a story of two reunited cat friends) was determined to drag me out of my cave of Gossip Girl and teen fiction. Her plan was to employ me in her companies latest construction project. The project involved building a patio and a walkway. I have to admit, the feeling of working hard definitely helped my mood. It felt good to be useful and to learn new skills. The highlight of my construction career was learning to drive a Bobcat. I was told that I am rather handy with the Bobcat digger thing so now I know that if my dreams of becoming a writer don't work out, I can always find a career in operating construction equipment. It's always good to have a backup plan. Well, I have been saved by my sister in a shining construction hat and I've learned more than I ever thought I'd know about concrete pouring. All in all, a good ending :)
Because I just got home from a party with this certain family, I will devote today's blog post to them:) The past two years (approximately), I feel as though I have grown in many ways (not physically unfortunately). A lot of this growth is thanks to my newfound second family. My boyfriend's family. I find that in order to truly learn something new, you have to be motivated. For example, if you live in the middle of a desert, you aren't going to be very motivated to learn how to swim. But if you live in the ocean, there is a much greater need. That being said, I was motivated to learn new things when I was welcomed into a household which is very very different from my own. I found that there were several skills that I needed to learn in order to be a part of something that I love. This was my motivation. Although I still find that I do not always fit in, I have made myself push my comfort zone and see the world from a new perspective. One step in this direction was to learn the language. I improved my Spanish to the point of being certified as "multilingual". Although the only thing the test really verified was my ability to have a 5 minute interview in which I did not let the interviewer ask me a single question. Let's just say my Spanish speaking skills are much better than my listening skills. Although I do not consider consider myself to be fluent in Spanish yet, I feel as though I am on my way. I also learned how to hold a baby, no small feat let me tell you (yes small feet though)! Finally, I have at least attempted to improve my cooking. I will not go into more detail on this because I'm sure you already know my relationship with the kitchen at this point. All in all, I am happy because I have found that I am able to grow and learn and become a more well rounded version of myself. Seeing life from the perspectives of different families has opened my eyes in some ways and for that I will always be grateful.
The summer in between high school and college has proven itself to be a very uncertain time. I find that I am becoming really nervous about making my own way in the world. Even though I was taught how to be independent, I have always felt as though I've had a safety net when I need it. No matter what, if I mess up, my family is there. I never feel more at ease as when my sisters are home or my mom is around. In a world where so much goes on, I feel like being around people who love me unconditionally creates a soft and fluffy cloud of comfort. Now that I will be moving away, I feel like a little bit of that comfort will be lost. Of course there are phone calls and visits, but it's not the same as coming home to someone who is willing and eager to hear every detail of my day. Although I'm sure the other girls at Mills will be friendly, I don't think they will be interested in every single thought that passed through my head from the moment I woke up to that very second. Although, come to think of it, it's possible that my mom wasn't thaaaat interested either. I find that as college approaches I'm thinking more and more about what it will feel like to live alone. I guess I was so caught up in the excitement of getting into college and the prospect of a new life that I didn't stop to think about the parts that will be hard. I have never taken change very well (proof in the fact that I cry every time I get my hair cut) but I guess now is the time to start getting used to it because ready or not, things are about to change a lot.
Readers,
When I started this blog, I fully intended never to publish it. However, that is not what my mom intended;) Because Mom is a very convincing woman, my blog was published in an instant, shared on Facebook by said mother and now has been read by several people! This is both exciting and daunting. Exciting because I am not the only one reading my words and daunting because now there is some aspect of commitment involved. Although I have many grand ideas, I find it difficult to follow through on a lot of them. This could be seen in my attempts to become fluent in Japanese, my short lived dream of becoming a softball player and my one day commitment to being a pro drummer. However, certain things I am able to stick with, and I am determined that this blog will be one of them. So, my unanticipated readers, due to a twist of fate (or my Mom's belief that one should actually publish one's blog) we have formed an agreement that I will keep writing and hopefully you will keep reading. The second thing that I would like to address is an issue that I have struggled with throughout my whole life... something that has haunted me through my high school years and brought me many moments of awkward confusion. This would be the issue of my spelling. Growing up, I was fooled into thinking that I was a decent speller due to the fact that I only had my sisters to compare myself to... (if you guys are reading this I was totally joking and please don't hurt me). My rude awakening came my freshman year when a certain classmate of mine felt compelled to inform our teacher that I had asked him how to spell the word Nazi. In my defense, there really should be a T somewhere in there. Anyhow, it has been brought to my attention *cough Adrien cough* that I have the tendency to overlook certain rules of the English language. For example, "tired" is not "tiered" and there is indeed a difference between "where and were, too and to, there and here, hear". Although I do vow to stop ignoring the little red lines that frequently appear under my creative words, I cannot promise perfect spelling. i promis too trie hardr :) ~Kerry |
AuthorHey, it's Kerry:) I have 2 older sisters and they both started a blogs... so naturally (being the little sister) I joined the bandwagon. So here I am! I hope you enjoy, if not... well go find something else to do. :) Archives
June 2018
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